The list of celebrities (or at the very least have achieved some modicum of fame) I’ve met over the years is tiny. There was an autograph signing with Bruce Campbell when I was like 13 and I met the WWF wrestler Haku when I was six. Before a reading at the Palace Theatre I met David Sedaris before his show and t it was very awkward. I also ran into Donald Sutherland at an IKEA furniture in LA, but my family wouldn’t let me “disturb” him. I made the point that any actor walking around an IKEA while carrying a man purse is already at least a bit disturbed, but to no avail. Besides that, my time around famous people has not been particularly noteworthy, with one exception.
The date: April 26, 2009. The place: Collector’s Realm, Poughkeepsie, NY. The person in question: former WWF superstar Bret “Hitman” Hart. The Hitman was in town for an autograph signing at Collectors Realm before heading to the Mid-Hudson Civic Center, where he was making an appearance for Northeast Wrestling (NEW). Also with him at this signing was his former tag team partner Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, but I didn’t really care about meeting him. Not to digress, but the Anvil was always a bit of a tool and Bret was obviously the workhorse in their team.
With me on this journey to meet Bret Hart was my brother Joe and my girlfriend Brie came down to hang out, but not to see the Hitman. The signing was set to take place between noon and 2 p.m., but you had to purchase autograph/photo tickets in advance. We purchased our tickets a few weeks before the signing and it was a good idea, as Raymond Ave. was packed with several hundred people from all over waiting to meet Hart. This was a surprise, as I didn’t think many people had ever heard of Collectors Realm. I only knew of it because Brie went to Vassar College down the road from the store. While overhearing multiple conversations over the course of the three hour wait in the ninety degree heat, I found out that Collectors Realm evidently hosts autograph signings with ex-wrestlers regularly.
The meet and greet took place in a back room on the second or third floor of the building that holds Collectors Realm and the other shops on the block. To get up to this room, we had to wait outside and eventually make our way into a cramped hallway reminiscent of a narrower version of a high school hall. From here, the ninety degree heat from outside transformed into a a hotter, humid environment that reeked of sweaty wrestling nerds. By the time we got to the threshhold to meet Bret, Joe and I were clammy messes clutching our items to be signed, our hair all kinds of dishevelled and eyes gone dead from the hours of heat and waiting. The only consolation was that we were by far not the dorkiest people there, but that is something to discuss another time.
By the time we got inside the room to meet Bret, our shabby condition was the least of our concerns. More important was the fact that the Hitman looked pissed. I should explain this: several years ago, Bret had a stroke that limited him a great deal. He recovered enough to walk and talk and appear basically normal, but you could tell when he was tired and worn down. After three plus hours of shaking hands, signing autographs, and taking pictures he looked miserable.
Once it was our turn, we decided to try to beat his misery with sheer enthusiasm. We came upon the Hitman with Rollins like focus - solid handshakes and a “nice to meet you” with solid eye contact. It definitely took him aback, but none of us (me, Joe, and the Hitman) had that much time to react, because it was photo time. For the record, the picture ended up looking absolutely ridiculous. After that we were marshaled out of the room, where we had to get back in line to get our items signed.
Waiting in line again afforded us the opportunity to watch the Hitman interact with his adoring public. He was mostly brief with them, a bit cold and abrupt. To be fair to the man, he had been doing this for hours and for years before this, really. It had to be old hat. He came alive for a moment with the person in front of us, who mentioned the drawing with a bulldog on the inside cover of his autobiography and brought his own bulldog with him for the photo. Bret then asked the guy what he thought of the book, but clammed right up and merely signed it and sent the guy away once he said he hadn’t started it yet.
And then it was our turn. Joe went first, carrying an action figure to be signed. When he got up to him, he told Bret something along the lines of “You were the greatest.” Bret nodded appreciatively and thanked him while signing. I brought his autobiography with me to get signed and as I handed it to him, I struggled to come up with something interesting to say. What I ended up telling him was severely dorky, although not as bad as the “It’s still real to me dammit” guy.
I told him a true story from my youth, circa 1992. At the time, Hulk Hogan was on his way out of the WWF and Bret was poised to become the new top face of the company. It goes more or less as follows: When I was a little kid, I was a fan of you and Hulk Hogan, but I wasn’t sure who would win. So I asked my grandfather and he said, “Hogan is big, but Bret Hart is a real wrestler.” From that point on, you were my favorite.
It was weird. He looked at me and asked my name. I gave it and he signed my book. I remember thinking, “That’s all? Name and signature? What a dick.”
But then, he spoke. “Hogan was always afraid of me. He knew I would show him up, show everyone what he really was.”
At this time, my brother and I were wide eyed. We knew he didn’t like Hogan, but he was going on a tirade. Unfortunately, the Collectors Realm staff pushed us away to keep the line moving while Bret was going off on Hogan. As we looked back on our way out, Bret was still talking with an impassioned look in his eye.
It was, in a few words, both surreal and awesome. We managed to meet Bret Hart (a childhood hero) and have a memorable experience in doing so. After hours of sweating and standing around like characters in a bad Kevin Smith movie, the payoff was worth it. When celebrity encounters can often be major disappointments, the Hitman truly delivered one for the ages.
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